Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
