Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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