That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
