i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
