Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
