Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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