as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
