dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
