yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
