well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
