I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
