If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I love having hate sex.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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