I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
