bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
