you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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