I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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