if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
