as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
