Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
