It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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