I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Too much gin, very little bucket
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
