maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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