I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
