I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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