Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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