you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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