we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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