Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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