new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
