he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
