saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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