Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
