And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
sarcasm needs its own font
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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