He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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