Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
