fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
even my farts smell like vagina
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
