i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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