Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
