My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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