my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
