I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
