i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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