i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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