check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
