chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
