Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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