The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
