i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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