watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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