It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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