having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
