OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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