I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
