i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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