Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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