Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My vagina is officially offended.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
