So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
