She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
not ubering you a puppy
how drunk are you?
Several
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
