i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
