I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
