oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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