That's intense
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
