hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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