This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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