I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
