Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
