Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
