I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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